If GM had Developed Technology like Microsoft, then . . .

We can't verify the original source of this . . . probably made up by someone . . . but it starts out by saying that at the recent COMDEX Show Bill Gates was reported to have compared the computer industry with the auto industry.

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has," Gates was alleged to have said, "We would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft," GM was alleged to have fired back, "We would all be driving cars with the following characteristics . . . "

In any event, whether this stuff happened or not, our friend, Jim Doremus of New Jersey, passed this on and we thought it was funny enough for our surfers to enjoy. Peace!

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1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought Car95" or "CarNT." But then you would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them.

12. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.